Why attend a perinatal loss support group?

The purpose of Caring & Coping, the monthly support group offered by H.E.A.R.T.strings, is to provide an atmosphere where grieving parents with similar experiences can come together and share their feelings about their loss and the love for their babies.  It is also a place where parents have the opportunity to express the love for their baby and their compassion for others, where they can give and receive emotional support by sharing common experiences, and learn about the natural grief process while learning to live with their loss.

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares...”  
​                                                                                                    - Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude

Grieving people most often need others to simply listen and care, not offer a lot of advice. Many times, people who have not personally experienced a similar kind of loss don’t ‘get” what you are going through.  In support group, feelings and emotions are not rushed, there are no expectations to “put on a happy face,” and there is a mutual understanding that while we cannot ease another’s pain, we can be present with them and acknowledge how difficult this is.

People often wonder what happens at support group meetings.  Are you required to talk?  Can your partner attend with you? Will the meeting provide comfort and reassurance, or will listening to the stories of others leave me more sad, angry, or anxious?   The truth is, no one wants to be at a support group meeting.  It’s like joining a club or a religion to which you never wanted to subscribe.  Once you get there, you realize it’s a place of comfort, camaraderie, and understanding.   There are silent nods in agreement, shared tears, and affirmation of feelings.
 
What are some reasons people fear or avoid grief support groups?

• I didn’t want other people to see me cry.
• I did not want to be reminded of my feelings because it hurt too much.
• I thought I should be able to figure this out on my own.
• My family will help me to get through this.
• I will get over this eventually.
• I am seeing a therapist. 

There is no cure, no magic solution, or any words that will make the pain stop. However, there are people out there who will listen to your story, share their story, and help you through a difficult time with their support and caring. ​